But moving on, about the movie. Where to begin? And where to go from there? It seems the director/script writer had the same thought, because this movie starts in one direction, goes somewhere else from there, and as if that wasn’t enough, it takes about two or three more turns after that. My head was spinning as I neared the end, hoping that I wouldn’t be taken in another totally opposite direction.

Hellloooo Saifu.

There are a few good things about Race. One being him. Saif’s hotness really helps the movie, because when things get boring, I can just stare at him.

The movie had potential. It’s a good murder mystery, and it has good twists. But it has too many of them. They needed to pick one or two, and go from there. After a while, it just gets annoying, and you get everything jumbled in your head.

The songs are all ridiculous. Pehli Nazar is wasted, Race Saanson Ki has too much skin, as do the rest of the songs. And the choreography? Who let Saif dance? Please realize that he can’t. Even the ladies couldn’t get it together. When the people you’re working with cannot dance, you don’t let them. You make up something incredibly simple, or you figure something else out.

Akshaye, trying to look all intimidating.

‘What about the performances?’ you ask? Well, in a movie like this, they’re usually bad. And this movie does not fail to deliver on that. Even seasoned actors like Saif and Akshaye seem to mail their performances in. They look completely uninterested. Don’t even ask about the girls. Bipasha sounds monotone throughout every single dialogue, Sameera’s character was completely dumbed down, so she didn’t have much to do, and Katrina just needs to go away.

Eww. This scene is disturbing.

Anil Kapoor is supposedly the saving grace of this movie. Though it’s quite sad when Anil Kapoor is the saving grace of your film, especially when you already have Saif and Akshaye. He was funny at the beginning, but it was the same thing over and over.

Also, in no world should Akshaye Khanna play Saif Ali Khan’s younger brother. Where’s the logic in that? You have to switch their roles around, or get another actor. It’s ridiculous.

Overall, the movie had potential, but when your head starts spinning from all the twists, you know something’s wrong.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

First up.

JODHA AKBAR

Ashutosh Gowarikar’s new magnum opus. And I hate to say it, but it looks like a magnum bore. The songs haven’t caught on, with me at least, and everything about it just seems so blah. Hrithik really fits the emperor role, but I’m not too sure about Ash. I don’t even know if I’ll watch this one on DVD. Hopefully it’s good, because I’m sure tons of money has gone into it.

There are also so many controversies surrounding it, about how historically accurate it is. That can bring a movie down. I know Asoka had the same problem, lots of people protested the accuracy of it, even though there was a nice little disclaimer at the beginning.

Oh well, only time will tell.

Next .

TASHAN

Seriously, how can you not be excited about Tashan? It’s the long awaited Sakshay reunion, and it promises to have rocking music by Vishal Shekhar. YRF knows they need to get into shape after their disastrous 2007, and Kareena’s coming off a high in Jab We Met. As for Anil, well, he’s everywhere now. So not much to say about him.

I’d like to see how Kareena and Saif look together on screen. This was the movie set where they hooked up, right? While poor Shahid was in Canada. But we aren’t getting into that.

I really hope this movie delivers. Lots of people are looking forward to it.

And, last but not least…

RAB NE BANA DI JODI

Such an old school title. But hey, it’s the reunion of SRK and Adi. After the magical DDLJ, and after the complete bore Mohabbatein. So, which one will we get? Is this the Adi of the 90s or the Adi of the 2000s? Also, we get another girl debuting opposite SRK. Really, why couldn’t Adi use one of the many competent actresses we have in the industry who haven’t been paired with SRK yet? His story better be something grand, because I don’t want to see SRK romancing a girl half his age.

Welcome is the third biggest hit of the year (or something around that). So, wouldn’t you figure it’s a pretty darn good movie? I tell you, those viewers in India are a confusing bunch. An awesome movie like Chak De India is universally accepted. You get some hope, that they know what’s good. Then, they make Welcome a blockbuster as well. Where’s the logic? Where’s the smart Indian audience?

The film stars Nana Patekar, Anil Kapoor, Paresh Rawal, and of course, Akshay Kumar (what movie is he NOT in these days?). The girls consist of Katrina Kaif and Mallika Sherawat. Guess their first choice couldn’t make it.

Nana and Anil are gangsters, Kat is Nana’s sister, Anil is Nana’s best buddy. Akki falls for Kat, finds out she’s a gangsters sister, and the rest is history. And supposed to be funny. But when a comedy isn’t funny, you know something’s wrong.

Nana and Anil do their job. They make you laugh, and they’re just overall really good. Nana especially. The guy is great at comedy. Paresh is completely wasted. He has nothing to do, which is crazy, because Paresh is one of the best comedians we have these days. Akshay’s role is suprisingly kinda small, but of course he ends up the hero at the end. I don’t like the way he speaks in English. Just sounds weird. Firoz Khan scares me. For some reason, they have him swear in English. No idea why, because they had to have known that it would have been censored. Katrina, I haven’t liked her in any movie I’ve seen her in. She’s just…there. I actually preferred Mallika in this movie.

The movie does have its moments. Part of the ending is really funny, but then it drags on and on and you just want the movie to end. And sometimes the coincidences are just too hard to believe.

And I’ve come to a conclusion. I’m tired of Akshay. I just want him to get off my screen now. Four movies in one year is one movie too many. And he’s got another two lined up for the beginning of this year. Please Akshay, take a break. I like you, but I’m damn sick of you.

Same for Katrina. Come back when you can act.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars